|
FAQ's
Most Vietnam Veterans get asked these basic questions, I
know I have over the years. Recently, I was asked to share these answers with
another combat veteran, Larry Stimeling on his web site. The following was
his email request to me.
Bill, First WELCOME HOME BROTHER Thank you for the kind remarks, please feel free to link to my site.
This site has been started off of a yahoo club which I founded mid summer.
The idea is an
offshoot of what a group of Nam Vets here in central Illinois are doing.
We go into high schools and talk about our "Vietnam Experiences".
We do not teach history nor do we tell "war stories". We just tell
how it was for each of us "in the Nam". I would like to extend to you an invitation to join our small little band.
I can put an info page about you on the site in a few days all I would need
is answers to a couple of questions. since most of what I need is on your
site the only unanswered questions are:
The worst thing about Nam ?
The best thing about Nam?
How you felt about the war before you went to Nam?
After? Now?
HERE ARE THE ANSWERS THAT I GAVE HIM:
The worst thing about Nam?
This under the assumption that there was but
only one worse thing, that was more worse than any other bad thing, in the
Nam. Besides, the most obvious answer - losing friends and brothers in combat;
let me explore this one step in another direction.
It was not the weather - God knows the
countless rainy days,, and nights, that never washed away any of that red
dirt and mud, that we got on and under your skin. Nor was it those hot
humid "4 canteen days", that left you always thirsty and always
wet, from your own perspiration (some of it caused by the 100 degree
temperatures, but certainly some of it caused by a fear within, that you
could never share, or expose to others.) Nope, the weather was not the worse
thing about Nam.
So, was it the bugs, and the rats, and smell of
burning "honey dew pots" (human waste being burned with some fuel to
dispose of it) filling the air with such wonderful aromas? Nope, none of these
gets my vote for the worse thing about Nam either.
So, you might ask - "was it the actual
combat and people shooting at you?"
Nope, you could live with that (or in some
cases you could die with that). Combat was something that you trained for
and prepared for. The actual moments of combat were alive with adrenal and
fear at the same time. Heck, combat was almost a release from the hours of
quiet that hung in the air so thick with fear, that you looked forward to
shooting back and engaging an enemy that you could never see, until you heard
the shots being fired. (Or felt the sting of tracers flying past you) So,
combat was bad, but it was not the worse thing about the Nam.
So was it the bad food, the lousy working
schedules - every day in the Nam was a work day; or was it something else?
Not getting mail was a bad thing ,and so was
being away from family and your high school buddies. Of course, someone
always missed their girl friend, or wife - I had neither to miss and that was
a bad thing as well.
The worse thing about Nam for me was the
feeling that people back in the world (USA) just did not understand, nor
appreciate what we were trying to do. I felt that the protests were not just a
statement about being against the war - but about being against everything
that made the war possible - meaning the GIs fighting it and dying for it.
Having my old friends from high school telling
me about their college protests and how "right" their cause was and
how wrong we "baby killers" were - that hurt! By far, this was the
worse thing about being in Nam for me. I can forget about the bugs, the rats,
the physical wounds and the VC - but being betrayed by your own country, hurt
more than any thing else. No other wound hurt so bad - not even getting
bounced on my head by a rocket explosion. To this very day - this is my
biggest soul killing memory of the Nam.
What was the best thing about Vietnam?
I think that finding out what you were made out
of, was a real growth experience. Facing the enemy and succeeding at
staying alive while facing your fears. There is just no other feeling like
having gotten through a fire fight alive, after so many very close calls. You
will never feel so alive again, as long as you live. You begin to value every
second of your existence. You can feel and hear and see so much more around
you. Your senses are so heightened that you feel "high" just from
breathing in that dirty smoky air around you. You walk taller and almost
swagger. You felt proud knowing that you did what you had to do and did not
break. You did not let your buddies down while facing death, eye-ball to
eye-ball and won that contest - at least for that moment in time. This may not
sound like a great, or best thing - but coming out of combat a live and in one
piece always made my day!
How did I feel about Nam before the
war?
I was one of those rare students of Far Eastern
History and knew much about the history of Vietnam and the old French
Empire. I knew that the French blew it and that the North and South were
fighting a dirty little civil war between themselves. I however, hated
communism with a great passion and believed it to be an evil force in
the world, that would need to be stopped one day. I was willing to help defeat
that evil.
How did I feel about the war in Vietnam
when I was there?
What I discovered, real fast, was that there
was no way to win this war. I was soon to discover that fighting this war came
with many rules of engagement - free fire zones, no fire zones, places
and areas that were off limits to attacks. We never did engage the enemy to
win this war - we fought a political war. It was not a war we could ever win
given the restraints that were put on the fighting forces. It only took me
about 3 months in country to discover this truth. I often wondered what took
Washington DC, so long to realize what all combat troops had discovered
- and in my case, by the March of 1967. Why did we continue to throw away our
young men to that machine of death for so many more years after that?
How did I feel after the war about
Vietnam?
I felt betrayed by my country. I was made
to feel guilty about being there, or having fought there. I returned to San
Francisco in November 1967 - right after the famous "Summer of
Love" had ended. I made the mistake of wearing my uniform while
on leave, when I just got back from Nam. I wanted to show off my ribbons and
medals. I was home less than 5 hours, when I had more troubles than I wanted.
Hippies taunted me and followed me down Broadway Street, as I
tried to enjoy my first night back in the states, after my tour. I was called
names and yes, I was spit on by these young long haired, righteous, butt-heads.
They did not welcome me home, but made me feel isolated and depressed.
Not a very joyous memory at all. I went home and took off my uniform
never to wear it again outside of a military base.
When I got out of the Army, I
threw all my medals, ribbons and patches in some dusty old box and avoided
ever talking about the Nam and what happened there to me.
How do I feel now about the Vietnam
War?
Time heals some wounds for sure - but I
think I have finally taken a good look backwards and realize that I have
nothing to be hiding from. The past is something that I am now proud to
have been a part of. I respect all my brothers and sisters who went there and
fought there. I respect all those who gave their all on those muddy fields of
battle. Most importantly, I respect myself for what I did there. I am not
ashamed of my service for my country. However, I still do harbor some
strong feelings about those who fought the " Anti-War" on the home
front.
I have read this old quote, from the guy who
wrote the book that the movie "Full Metal Jacket" was filmed from.
He was the late Gustau Hasford (1947-1993) Although
I do not fully endorse all of this statement it says a lot:
"Like a women who has
never given birth, the man who has never faced death and inflicted death, will
never for all of his life feel somehow not quite complete."
That is a little stronger than I can handle. I
do not think that a man needs to inflect death to be called, or thought of as
a man. However, I think those men who missed their chance to face the enemy
and their fears, in a real test of life and death combat - can never fully
savor that zest of life that a combat veteran has each and every day he wakes
up alive!
Rev. Bill McDonald
Vietnam 1966-67]
128th Assault Helicopter Company
Hope this answers your questions....
| 
