The First Infantry was involved with a big operation called "Operation Billings". They were inserting troops into some very hostile areas. The dense jungles held not only VC (Viet Cong) but also a large number of NVA (North Vietnam Army) troops fresh from their trip down from the North. Our company was engaged in supporting the operation from the beginning. We had been landing in some very "hot" (under fire) LZs and experienced lots of damage to our helicopters over the first several days of the operation. We had been coming back into the LZs to re-supply ammo , food and bring in replacement troops. We often left with wounded and dead and took them back to the base camps or to closest MASH units.

One day we received a frantic call for assistance from a group of about 200 men who were trapped and fighting for their lives in a LZ that was being fiercely defended by the enemy. There was NVA and VC surrounding the unit of men in the LZ. In some places the LZ had collapsed and there was hand to hand fighting on the edges of the clearing that was being used top land in.

You could tell from the voice of the radio man, that they were in the thick of a fire fight. You could hear the gun fire and explosions in the background as the guy yelled on his radio. They needed a "Dust Off" (medical evacuation) as soon as possible. As it turned out, we were the only available aircraft in the sector, so we turned and raced to their location. We were not sure what we were going to find when we got there.

When we approached within the vicinity of the LZ, we could see the yellow smoke that was popped to guide us to where they wanted us to make our pick up. We could also see red and white tracers bouncing off the trees and the ground. It looked like star wars down below us. There were also several explosions from the mortar rounds falling into the LZ. I assumed there were also some explosions across that open meadow from hand grenades. It was a living hell in the LZ. The smoke drifted through the broken trees that had fallen and were on fire. Men were running and moving in all directions. There seemed to be no organized plan of action. No place looked secure or safe from the action.

We were flying just at tree top level, as we pulled into the LZ. This made us an easy target for the VC and NVA troops in the surrounding jungle. We could feel the belly of the helicopter taking hits. Tracer rounds were also flying through the open areas of the ship, where we had taken the doors off. The ship rocked and bounced along the tree tops. The force was coming from the ground explosions just below us. I thought that the aircraft was going to be torn apart by the pounding of the blasts.

I had my machine gun fully at the ready but could not pick out any clear targets below. I could not fire since the good guys and bad guys, were mixing it up in the LZ. There was no way to see who was who. So, I had to sit there while the enemy took pot shots at us. It seemed to take hours to travel the last 100 yards to where the smoke was popped for us to land. By, the time we actually set down, we could see hand to hand combat taking place within a short distance from us. We were the biggest target in the LZ. We could not hide any where. So we needed to get the wounded loaded and out of there as fast as possible.

There were explosions just yards away from us. I could feel the dirt and pieces of plants hitting my face and body. All around me men were dropping. Their bodies were being ripped apart by automatic gunfire and mortar rounds. The green grass was turning red from all the blood that was flowing. I unplugged my communications line from my flight helmet and jumped off the ship, as soon as we stopped moving and were on the ground. I ran over to the medics on the ground. They were dragging bodies of wounded men towards our ship. I grabbed a leg and helped out.

The pilots were yelling at me to hurry up and get back into the helicopter. Every second we were on the ground we allowed enemy mortar teams to sight in on our ship. All it would take was just be a matter of about 30 seconds or so, before they could find us in their range and drop a round or two on the helicopter. So getting out of the LZ as fast as possible, was our key to survival.

To make matters even worse, the trees and the grass had caught on fire and we had a raging forest fire that was engulfing the area. It was hot and the smoke made it hard to breathe. I keep going back to help load more bodies onto the floor of my Huey. There was nothing gentle in this act at all. We just threw these men in the ship as fast as we could and then go back and load another one. Within about a half a minute we had loaded eight bodies on the floor and two more on the canvas seats.

By now all hell broke loose. The mortar rounds were just yards away and we were the focus of attention for all the automatic weapon’s fire. It was a wall of tracers coming at us and we had to fly through it to get out of there. I jumped back on board and looked at the medic who stood watching me, as we began to hover and lift off. His eyes were was full of tears that rolled down his checks, as he raised his hand to wave good-bye. It was the saddest good-bye in the world. He knew he was probably not going to make it out of there alive. He got his buddies on the ship and that must have given him some satisfaction at the time.

We pulled up on the collective stick and tried to rise out of the LZ as straight up as we could fly. However, the heat of the day and height of the trees forced us to fly directly over the fighting, as we slowly gained enough altitude to clear the surrounding trees. We could see the tree line. It appeared that we were not going to clear it. We need more room to get enough transitional lift to compensate for all the weight we were now trying to take out of this LZ. We continued towards the trees and some how managed to just clip a few branches with our landing skids.

I looked back trying to get a good shot at the enemy troops with my M-60. I was able to let off about a thousand rounds into the outer jungle areas where I knew our troops were not engaged. I was able to take a quick glance back at the LZ, as we began to climb above the tree line. That medic with the sad eyes was running for his life. There were bodies falling every where I looked. This was the worse LZ I had ever seen up to this point in the war. I sat back for a minute to regain my composure and take a deep breath. I feel my heart racing and pounding in my chest. I had trouble getting my breath.

Then I remembered the troops that we had loaded on the ship. I set my gun back down and went over to where they were laying on the floor and seats. What I saw next made me sick. There were large pools of red thick blood flowing on the floor of the ship. Since the doors had been removed there was a wind blowing through the aircraft and it whipped up the blood. The rotor blades and air speed made a lot of wind, at the speed we were traveling -–and it made the blood fly around the inside of the ship. Fresh warm blood was splashed on the walls, the windshields, our clothing and helmets and all over my gloves and face. The pilots had trouble seeing, since so much blood had been splashed that it blocked part of their vision. There were also severed body parts, that had fallen off and were laying in the pools of blood on the floor.

I was stunned by the sight of all this, but quickly realized that I needed to take some action to help these guys. There was no medic on board and no medicine to do anything. I did not have the knowledge or the means to stop all the bleeding. I was helpless to do much expect offer my prayers and some moral support. So, I went over to check on their condition. I was stunned to find that not one of them was still alive. All 10 men were dead. They had continued to take hits when we were lifting off. Their bodies were riddled with holes.

I became upset about risking all of our lives to only bring back dead bodies. I told the pilots so we would change our destination to the nearest camp. We did not need to fly to the MASH unit any more.

I sat there looking at these young men. Most still had their young frighten eyes opened up. We stared at each other while the ship continued to speed back to the closest camp. We needed to dump these bodies and turn around and go back again to that LZ. We were the only link with outside world that they had. We were their only help. I sat there in a daze. Thinking about what we had just been through. The eyes of the medic and all those dead men laying there next to me were hard images to forget about. I was by now totally soaked in blood. All my clothing was wet and red. I could not wipe my nose or face because I had blood on my gloves.

Something caught my attention. I looked over at a young man laying there , his eyes wide open and looking at me. I could feel his presence there. I could feel him reaching out somehow. I could feel all of them. It was as if they were still there with their bodies. They were confused and freighted and lonely. I could sense the sorrow of their thoughts and almost hear their cries. It was really spooky. I did not know if I had cracked up and been caught in the horror of the moment by my own emotions, or was really sensing the souls of these men. I sent them all a prayer. I wanted to cry but could not. My emotions were locked and controlled. I looked at all these dead men and could not feel enough emotion within myself, to shed a single tear drop – and part of me really wanted to.

I went back to my position behind my machine gun and sat there gazing out at the vast landscape beyond. I felt such sorrow and waste. I felt so much pain within that I would never be able to completely express to any one else. No one would ever understand what had happened. No one would even want to hear about this experience. I was so alone sitting there. I felt isolated from the whole world.

We finally got to the base camp and unloaded the dead. We took a short break of about 4 or 5 minutes to clean the windshield and wipe some of the pools of blood out of the ship. Then we jumped back on board and took off again heading back to hell.

We were joined by some other aircraft from our company on the return trips, so we had some help for the rest of the day. We ended up flying about 15 hours into and out of this LZ. There ended up being several dozen men killed or wounded, that were taken out of that LZ that day. Most all of them were dead. We saved very few for the MASH unit. The LZ had been a disaster for the those men. I felt bad that I was not able to give them better support. I often wondered if that medic ever made it out alive that day. His eyes still burned in my heart as we went back to our own base camp.

We landed back at Phu Loi late at night. All I wanted to do was to get those blood soaked clothing off and to take a shower. I wanted to get rid of the death that was on me and in my ship. When we got unloaded, we were informed that there was no more water available for a shower or to clean the helicopter out with. Well, there was no way that I was going to not get cleaned up. My gunner and I decided to use some jet fuel , since that was the only available liquid to clean anything with. We washed out the entire inside of the helicopter and all the seats. It smelled bad and was a fire hazard for sure – but there was no way that we were going to let all that blood stay in our ship.

We took off all our clothing on the fight line then poured the jet fuel over our bodies to rinse the blood away. We washed our entire bodies with that stuff, including our private parts and our hair. We were careful about not being close to anyone who was smoking, or anything else that might cause a spark.

We walked back to our hooch buck naked. We put on some clean underwear and climbed into bed smelling up the entire place for everyone else. We did not sleep. With the smell of the gas and thoughts and images of what happened that day still with us, we could not rest.

The next day, with the heat of day ( the temperatures reaching over 95 degrees) along with the high humidity, our bodies began to redden and chafe. We were hurting and uncomfortable as our bodies exploded with a rash from head to toe. We looked like we were painted red. We both took a lot of kidding about how we looked and felt – but it was still better than going to bed with all that dried blood all over us.

When I went on R & R I took a lot of enjoyment in taking a long showers with warm clean water. I just wanted to clean off the Nam and all that blood. Sometimes I still feel the need to wash away those blood stained memories – "out, out, damn spot"! But the Nam stains, go deep into the soul.